A Bit Of Background

You know, I was thinking in bed last night, which is where I tend to do the majority of my thinking hence my terrible sleeping habits, that people are going to look at these images of me and say " She doesn't need to lose weight. Whats wrong with her?". That really gets on my goat I gotta say. My reality and struggle is real to me. I may only have a few kg's to lose and a bit of toning up to do but I feel so uncomfortable right now that I really need to do it.

I was always a chubby kid and, after my Mum and Dad divorced when I was 8, things didn't get much better.I have been through the ringer a little. At the hand of molestation, watching Mum get beaten regularly,being alone to raise my brother through a lot of our youth, mental abuse, abandonment, rape and being cheated on by the majority of my partners.I have suffered depression ( still on medication and probably will be for the rest of my life) along with an awful battle with first bulimia and then anorexia.

It was when I was anorexic that I found, amazingly enough, that I was pregnant with my 3rd child. Keeping my baby wasn't even a decision I could make at the time with rationale as all I could possibly think was " Im going to get fat". Isn't that just the most awful thing? But, and I am being nothing but open and honest here, and that is what I thought.My amazingly supportive husband had to make the ultimate decision and I am so glad that we had our beautiful baby boy in January of 2003. I still, to this day, believe that Finn saved my life . He is a true blessing.

In July of 2001, I underwent a lipectomy ( what some people call a tummy tuck ) and left the hospital weighing 44kg after having 1.5kg of excess skin removed from my abdomen. By December 2002, I weighed in a 92kg. I had put on 48kg in a little under 18 months.

The reason I am telling you all of this stuff is not because I feel sorry for myself or want sympathy because, believe me when I say, that is the very last thing I want. I am telling you so that you know, that I know what it is like to live on a diet and weight roller coaster. I know that people look at you differently and treat you differently at both ends of the spectrum. I know this because I have been at both ends. So please, before you judge someone, as some of you may have, be sure to find out who the person is behind the smile.

I have prepared a slide show of my up's and down's on the scales over the past 15 years so as you can see for yourself where I have been. Funnily enough, there are no photo's of meat my smallest because this is when, in my mind, I was bigger and uglier than ever.

Phew, now that's over with, shall we continue?

See you soon,

Neen xo